I'm sitting in my room with the lights out. It is raining cats and dogs outside. When I say cats and dogs, I really mean hail and excessive ginormous bolts of lightning. Poor Lydia is stuck here because of the things occurring outside. My heart is heavy and my head is confused. Let me start with teh beginng, though.
My uncle called my late this morning and asked if I would like to o on a mission trip with him to Nicaragua (I spelled that right on the first try:). He told me that I'd have to get a passport and shots and things, that we would be staying in a motel, we would leave in groups of three and preach to the people everyday, then on the last day we could go "exploring" (he used the word "shopping" which made me chuckle... if you know my uncle, you would know why :) and it would last a week- all expenses covered. I didn't ask too many questions, just if they would have a medical team or anything. He said no. It didn't seem like much of a thing geared towards kids, but more towards families and adults... Like, mainly leading people to Christ, then showing them how to raise their family in a Godly way. He didn't tell me this... I only gathered this from what he told me (just what I put in the post^), and the way he said things.
Then I remembered... Daycamp only lets you have 5 days off the whole summer. I had already "used" those days. I am going to Tennessee on a mission trip with my youth group at the beginning of June, and I have to use all 5 of those days up for that.
He told me he needed to know soon, like within the next few days soon. I told him that since Parkview is a Christian "establishment", my boss is a Christian and her husband does counseling and preaches, and her daughters have done missions trips, she would probably understand and not have a problem giving me a few extra days off. This was something I think I wanted to do... There wasn't much holding me back from this idea of going. God, are you trying to tell me something?
I get to work, I tell me boss that I have already taken my 5 days up with my Tennessee trip, but explained the opportunity I had to go to Nicaragua to share Christ. I told her that I would need another 5 days off. She told me that things would be pressed, and that they needed me. Five extra days weren't really an option. What? *enter shut-down mode* This stung. I'm not going to lie, my mood wasn't exactly happy for the rest of the day. After she told me this, though, I just told her "Thank you, Mrs. Rebecca." and sat down. The whole day, whether it was on my mind or not, I wrestled with this. What was I supposed to do? It seems like God has been speaking this mission trip (not necessarily this particular one) to me for a while, and through various people and things. God, are you leading my feelings?
I thought about it a lot, and I kinda did a comparison. Tennessee is something familiar to me. I have gone on this trip with my youth group twice now (it will be 3 times this summer). I know everyone, I know what we do when we get there, I know where I will be staying, what I will be doing, etc., etc. It's inside my comfort zone. It won't stretch me that much, except for maybe when we talk to the owners of the home we are putting a new roof on, or the house we are painting... but that is about it. And, not to mention, I love Tennessee. Nicaragua would be almost the complete opposite. I don't know anyone but my uncle, don't know who I will meet, whether I will be able to verbally communicate with them or not, or anything about my surroundings... except for that fact that it isn't home, and my cell phone probably won't work. I was feeling terribly selfish for even thinking about Tennessee. Am I just taking the "safe" way out by choosing Tennessee? God, what do you want, what about these people? Will I be able to do anything to give them even a glimpse of who you are? God, how do I handle this?
I came home after work and told me mom what my boss had said, then I told my dad, and we talked for a long time. It was a really good conversation. He told me that his heart was telling him that he didn't think I was ready to go out and "preach", although he thought I was capable of doing so, but he said that he though that I was better at showing the love of God to people through my actions, rather than verbally. He said that maybe I would be ready to go "out into the world" in a few years. It was really nice hearing all those things from my dad and just hearing his heart on things. I won't say I neglect chats with my dad, but they don't happen all that often... and my dad is one of those people, that when he does talk, he has something to say, so you should listen. He isn't going to ramble on you, so don't get your pillow just yet. God, is this what you wanted me to hear? All this so that I would know my dad's heart?
**Shoot, my dad knows me really well... sometimes I don't think he does, but my this conversation, I could tell he was politely telling me that he doesn't think I'm independent enough to do something like this with only my uncle as my guardian. I mean, look ay how much of a struggle it was for me to get my first job, and for me to actually start going to BRCC. Moral of the paragraph, don't take your parents for granted... even if they don't say much to you, they know more than you think... and they may *shocker* even know you better than you know yourself.**
I then talked with a friend. She told me that I should just pray and see what God has to say. Even though I only have a limited amount of time, God knows I need an answer, and He will give me one. And you know what, His answer will never be too late. It was good talking things out with her, and hearing her thoughts on things. She thought that I should have just stood up to my boos and told her: "Well, if you want me to work this summer, you better give me those extra days off!" *but in a nicer way :)* I'm just going to pray about it now, and see what He has to say. I mean, really and truly, in any situation, n mater what, we have to stop trying to do things in our own abilities at sometime in the situation, because we run out of options... Once you've tried every door, you aren't going to go back to the first one again to see if it will work out differently, are you? Of course not. Well, you must pray then. So why not just do it the "right way" in the beginning and save yourself some time?
If God wants me to drop everything this summer and just go (I already told Our Daily Bread I'm not working there this summer), forget Parkview, and whether or not I will be able to pay for my gas and insurance for my car or not, then I will... right now. right this very second... but hopefully He won't make me wait too long... I may just change me mind :)
On a side note, have you ever watched hail fall? It was falling into the big puddles that had been created on each side of the road. It was making big *thunks!* in the water, and you could tell the pieces were big because of how how the water rose (an I am sure there are some wonderful scientific words to be used to describe this, but it's easier this way... and I don't happen to know those words :) when the pieces hit. It was neat to watch. It was such a beautiful sound as it was an amazing sight, however. I personally don't liek hearing thudding sounds resonating off of my car... but that's just me :)
God, please give me a wisdom that could only come from you
27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:27-28
No comments:
Post a Comment