I have a math test tomorrow, so I should be studying for it…
But, on the way to my uncle’s tonight, I thought about this past week. All the way up until I had just dropped my cousins off about a half hour ago. (my drive’s to my Uncle’s every Sunday night have become my “thinking time” and I really enjoy it. God really uses that time)
1. I was at My Uncle’s house all week by myself.
Ok, if you know how much of a baby I am, you would understand how significant that was.
I have such an admiration for those that are able to leave everything they know for college, a job, or the Military, (in some cases) in a different state and be “ok”. I can’t take it being away from everything I know. And I’m not even that far!
God really used this past week to break me of some stuff though. Just me and Him.
To be really honest, I’ve been in a “spiritual rut” for a while. Mainly it consisted of my not knowing what God had planned for my life, so I began to lose faith in the choices I had made.
2. On Thursday night, despite the fact that I had lots of homework calling my name- God was calling it too.
He was asking me to come play with Him for just a little while. To remember those times when I was young and would sit outside in my backyard on the swings and audibly talk to God.
So I backed my car into my Uncle’s driveway, leaving the hood out enough for me to lay on and not have my vision blocked by his house.
As I looked up at the night sky, I could feel His eyes on me.
To think that the Creator of everything, and the listener to every small still voice out there was looking at me was profound. Words began to flood my mind- reminding me of what I meant to Him.
I thought about that song “Lovely” by Jason Morant that talks about how much he has missed us and He knows the toil our roads have taken on us:
“Lovely, your heart can be trusted
But the toll road you've taken
Has cost you much more than you realize”
-such a beautiful song. If you have never heard it, I suggest you give it a listen. It is based on the Book of Hosea and was written from Hosea’s point of view. A story that so clearly reflects God’s heart for us.
to continue on with my story, however:
Out of all the billons of people that live on this earth, my Beloved was looking at me, talking to me, revealing His heart for me in words too intimate and often misinterpreted.
I pulled my iPod out and began typing things out in my little “notes” app (it felt a bit awkward- sort of like I was texting about God to someone else while He was talking to me- but I know that He blessed me with my passion to write... so hopefully these words will touch someone else). This is what I have:
“Your thumbnail pressed deeply into the blackest sand
Diamonds you carefully placed as hints of Your majesty
Ever constant
Ever present!
Much unlike myself
Jewels that glisten and wink at You
Some in formation
Others not
Organization and spontaneity together as one
Golden thread running from your hand.
Some prance across the sand as if carried by the tide
And melt in Your greatness.
I am Your Lovely
Your diamond in a clamshell
Your
Regal woman
Something not to be bought or sold
But loved
Cherished
Respected
Love, you wait for me
Residing not only above me but all around
You are.
A coral explosion
That is your joy for me. One I cannot express or
Comprehend.
To know You see me now just as I see You
You have not left
Or turned away
With troubles of Your own.
The Limbs reaching high to but
Touch You.
To run their fingers through your gentle white hair
Would be enough?”
3. This amazing and beautiful young girl shared her heart with me at Victory this past Friday night. She shared her struggles, and how she wasn’t feeling love from people- not real love. They said it with their mouths, but it was evident to her that that is all it was: words. Empty
words that came from fear. I’ve only known her for a few weeks, but she has such a servant’s heart! She has such a sweet smile that she doesn’t hide, and that can attract an entire room full of people. She is excellent at making people feel welcome, and she is beautiful. On the inside and out. She is an inspiration, and also has an amazing voice that she uses to worship God with.
God blessed me with just a few moments to connect with her, and although I couldn’t relate on every level, God used me to remind her of how much love he has for her. And that I want to be her friend- no strings attached.
4. A friendship was reconciled with a mere “thanks” and a smile. Something I hadn’t imagined could be done. But this person was ready to let some lies go and gave me a chance to prove just how false they were. I am thankful to God opening their heart and allowing Himself to shine through us both in that moment.
I even got a “bye, Dominique”.
5. I usually talk to my Pastor every Sunday after church. He is one of my most favorite people, and so full of wisdom. Well, I have a new “job” in the nursery, so I haven’t seen him for three weeks. Well, I saw him on Sunday night at Youth group when he came to drop off his girls, Morgan and Avery. He asked me a lot of questions and talked to me for a long time. He asked me about my sister and how she was doing. He can tell she is struggling, and so we talked about it for a while, and he just reassured me that God knows what He is doing. We both talked about God- and that sometimes His beautiful brokenness was required before people would realize where they were and what they were doing. He prayed for her too, while we stood there in the youth room.
6. And as I was cleaning the “snack bar” at youth after everyone had left, one of the moms came in and mentioned something about the new renovations in the youth room (our room is now smaller and painted a blue and a creamish color), and we have this thing that faintly reminds me of “the blob” from Heavyweights (good movie). It is purple. She said that it looked dangerous (or something of that sort), and I told her that the kids had actually been jumping off the pool table onto it (I had stopped them). Yeah, probably not the best thing to say to a mom. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that before I said it… Then she said that she wanted to thank me for talking to her son “J”. She said that he talks about me all the time and how I won’t leave him alone (she is thanking me for aggravating her son? Hm…) at youth group. She thanked me for pushing him and trying to get him involved. She told me that he might seem as though he doesn’t like it, but that’s just his way of saying thanks. I really do aggravate him J I try to get him to play games with the rest of the kids and poke fun at him sometimes (not in a mean way). This mom normally won’t say much to me other than hello, so this was a blessing in more ways than one. And there is another story behind it, but it is sort-of a family “insider thing” I can’t share … : ) So God just really reassured me that He has a plan for me, even though it might not show in the ways I want it to or expect it to. Its like that saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans".
7. My Uncle came back this weekend from his trip to Jinotega, Nicaragua. This is the same place we went this past summer. They stayed in the same hotel, too. And it was neat because my Uncle said that since the lead the owner of the hotel to Jesus last summer, he remembered them and gave them a discount. $8 a night, to be sure. My Uncle told me that one of our translators that went to the big market with us last summer, Francisco, put this object in my Uncle’s hand while they were walking through. When my Uncle asked what it was, Francisco told him it was something I had been looking for last summer. It was a pumice stone. I don’t fully remember looking for that myself, and for him to remember, that is amazing.
Who remembers something like that about someone you only knew for about a week? Francisco is such a sacrificing person. He travels all around Nicaragua and stays up till all hours of the night helping and ding things for others. He has a wife and three girls. One of them only about 2 ½ months old. He lives in a brick “shack” with his mother-in-law- a cold room with three full walls, a sheet for a door on the fourth wall, two beds, a clothes line with clothes hung on it that also doubles as a “divider”, and a musty smell that clung to the walls like hunger in an empty stomach.
He is a Paul of today… and I mean that with all sincerity. He has so much love for people. It blew me away when my Uncle explained why he had brought that pumice stone back for me. Francisco remembered.
8. My Uncle told me that when he saw one of the girls from last time, she asked him “Dominique?”, and he got one of the translators to tell them that I couldn’t come because of school (what a pathetic excuse that sounds when I hear it). He said he name was Theresa… but I later found out it was Derasya (I showed him some pictures so that I knew who it was). It meant so much that that little girl remembered me. I think about and pray for that little girl and her family all the time- Jose Daniel, (her brother), her mother, Ivonia, and her father who I did not meet.
...All of that to say that God really grew me this past week. I never really thought something like that could happen in only a week, but God’s timing is different than ours, and He can totally blow our minds if He wants.
This past week was choke full of lessons. And I loved it. It took a toll on me in more ways than one…
But I wouldn’t trade it for a handful full of lazy relaxed weeks. And that isn’t even everything that happened!
Now, in reading these recounts, dear reader, please don’t think “that’s it?”. I didn’t do any of that justice. God totally threw me for a loop this past week, and love is still growing in my heart. Nicaragua and its people won’t leave my mind (and they haven’t since I have left). I know I will go back. It’s only a matter of time before I return there. I don’t believe God would put such a strong hold on me if I wasn’t supposed to go back there.
